Monday, May 23, 2011

melancholy

Hello, world. I haven't blogged for so long D: since the last entry, I've travelled around Europe (and made short videos of each day, which I'm really proud of :D), had a few more weeks of classes, and now it's the exam period in the University of Bristol.

However, I feel out of sorts today. My mind's floating around, and I'm thinking about everything else but my exams -__- hm let me try to pinpoint to source(s) of this state I'm in. Warning: long rant post! Digging into deep-seated issues XD

1. My mother has been communicating with me through Skype, Facebook, Gmail, etc. in preparation for her trip to the UK and Europe with my sister. We've lots of planning to do, and she keeps changing her mind (which is expected, since she's so excited about it, plus this is the longest she's ever been apart from me) so it could be a bit frustrating at times. She's also taking on the friends/peers tone with me, which I'm still not used to after many years of her being the mother/disciplinarian figure in the household. Like posting links on my Facebook wall, using emoticons, etc. Then I feel bad for being impatient with her ))):

2. I don't have internet in my hall room due to my thriftiness (only paid until the end of April because I didn't want to pay for an additional 3-month subscription but only using 1 month) which is a good thing in a way because I won't have anything to waste my time at night, but then again I have to make my way to the university every morning to use their wifi. And on days like today when it is cold, gloomy and windy, it's not a good start to the morning. Plus the connection is not really great, so Skype is jumpy and with lots of background noise, which is bad when you're trying to make plans with your mother, as mentioned in Point 1.

3. I'm seeing more people getting attached, including a guy whom I had/may still have feelings for before I left Singapore. And there are an increasing number of friends I know who are engaged, or even married. Omgnessss. I guess portraying myself as a busy, independent, academically-motivated person isn't getting me points in the relationship department -__- and I don't even know what I want in a relationship! Gah. I'm at the stage of life that people start thinking about these kinds of things.

4. I'm afraid that I won't be able to go back to the stressful NUS lifestyle after slacking and enjoying my life in Bristol for half a year. I'm already trying to change my mindset now so that I can adapt more easily when I return, but what if I can't cope and give up on pulling up my CAP to a First Class (even though it's a little stretch, but still possible)? But after my first two years in uni, I've since realised that there's more to life than just studies. So how?

5. 4 months of not having a proper pillow and a nice warm comforter is finally getting to me; sometimes I wake up with backaches or feel stiff all over. But I can't buy anything now, it's a waste of money! The thrifty side of me (refer to Point 2) told myself at the start of the year that it's not worth it to rent a bedding set or buy some pillows from the shops, since I'm not using them to their full lifespan. So yup, I just have a grit my teeth and bear it XD

6. My earphones are faulty, which is a pain when I need to Skype, or listen to some music. It's the little things that really get to you, like how a papercut causes the most irritation/pain. Hmm shall get a new pair soon. I can't get the earbuds kind though, because they don't fit my ears well. Maybe hook-on earphones, or even headphones? I'd rather spend some money than put up with my current wires-twiddling, lol.

7. I'm getting fatter ): not good.

Okay la should stop thinking negative thoughts. I'm having such a wonderful life, and I should be grateful (:

BE HAPPY ALWAYS :D

smile at 5:41 PM

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